oh gosh. this damn website is too addicting. i died reading these.

fmylife.com

"Today, my girlfriend farted in her sleep, woke me up because it was so damn loud, and my room smelt like rotten noodles for about an hour. FML"

"Today, my four-year-old cousin gave me a hug, basically stuffing his face into my crotch. Then he pulled it out and said "Ew, that's stinky" in front of my entire class. FML"

"Today, my 5 year old nephew showed me green martians he'd made with his new Play Doh set. I smiled and said, "Wow! Now, how about some blue martians!" He looked at me and replied, "How about some blue shut the fuck up!". FML"

"Today, I was teaching a class but kids were chatting. After 3 soap box speeches about "the next person who talks gets a note to take home".... one kid looks right at me and goes "meeow". FML"